She said what?!

The most ridiculous thing happened to me today.

It started out a typical day, I was getting yelled at by a caller who did not like that they reached a voicemail and demanded they speak to live person. No biggie, I get thousand of these calls a day. I have absolutely no sympathy for these people. Rules are rules, and if you want to speak someone about your benefits, you go to their helpdesk, end of story.

So what was so different about this caller?

Well, she rudely told me that she....

had...

wait for it....





CANCER! And was getting CHEMO on Monday. Therefore she absolutely had no time for a voicemail and demands to speak to a real live person.

A what what??

Did you just tell me you have cancer in hopes that this will get you a person to speak to? You could be the president of the United States and that still is not going to get me to transfer you to a person. You get a voicemail, just like everyone else. And honestly, who knows if she really has cancer? This lady was so rude to me, I almost feel she made it up so she would get her way. Sorry hunny, you picked the wrong girl. I mean, who just tells a random receptionist she has cancer?!?

I know, I know!! I'm SO mean, I'm horrible! But honestly, telling me that you have cancer does nothing. You might as well tell me that you have 2 heads. It's not going to get me to do anything differently. I've known people that have had cancer, and none of them would have ever used that to "get their way".

So, who's wrong? Me, for being a jerk and sticking to what the rules are and doing what I've been instructed to do, or for a caller telling me she is sick to try to get around the system???

A Bug's Life.

Yes, you read that correctly, LIVE INSECTS are in that box. And where is that box, you ask? MY DESK, of course!

And what does the small print say below OPEN IMMEDIATELY? Well, let me tell you!

"This package may include one or more of the following: butterflies, ladybugs, ants, praying mantis, silkworms, mill worms or earthworms."

What the F is this doing being delivered to a corporate office and why the F is not in the mail room and on my desk?!?!?!

Naturally I called Bill and he "handled it, handled it."

Only after shaking it.

Whoops.

Never did find out what was inside, but I'm thinking it's probably better that way. It was most likely dead anyways.

Whoops.

The STANK!

I walked into the lobby today and it was like walking into septic tank. I almost thought that an animal had crawled into the office and decided to die. So instead of just going to my desk and sitting in the rancid smell, I went on a mission to find Bill (Office Services guy that comes in at the same time as me) to figure out what the smell was. The smell of course, was just in the lobby. Lovely!

I found Bill, dragged him into the lobby and he described it as being smacked in the face by a bag full of sh*t! And he's right, I couldn't have said it better myself! So naturally, I made him handle it. He comes back a couple of minutes later saying he called the property management company, and had to leave a message. So he decided that there was only one solution to this stinky problem. He stood there holding a bottle of Febreze and a bottle of Yankee Candle spray. "Pick your poison" was what he told me. "BOTH!" was my response. He hands over the Febreze and I start walking around spraying EVERYTHING. Carpets, couches/chairs, my desk, the floors... it doesn't matter, everything was going to be covered with the lovely scent of "extra strength clean". Then Bill and I look at each other and sigh, there was only two places left to spray...

THE....

BATHROOMS!!!!

Ahhh, as if we had seconds to react before toxic fumes entered our bodies, we took turns spraying the men's and women's room. And unfortunately, we have concluded the smell originated in the women's room. G-R-O-S-S!!!!
Because of this disgusting fact, I felt the Febreze wasn't enough to mask all stinky smells, I made sure to go around the whole lobby - bathrooms included - and spray the Yankee Candle spray.

The result was deadly.

Not only was it way stronger than I thought (DUH!!!) but now I had to sit in it! I don't know what's worst, the smell in the lobby, or the fact that I knew I smelt as bad. Luckily for me, I got so stuffed up within minutes, that I couldn't smell a thing and didn't mind the comments people were making about how awful the lobby smelled. In fact, they all felt bad for me. Love it!

At the end of my shift, the property management had yet to check out what was wrong, and I had to run over to Target. All I could think of was how I must being walking around smelling all sorts of funky. I really don't know what would be worse, sitting in the stank, or smelling of the stank.

Let's just hope that tomorrow the smell is gone...

Plant Boy

Once a week I have to deal with Plant Boy. Who is Plant Boy you ask? Well he's someone we pay to come in weekly to water all the plants in the office. Yes, we actually pay someone to do this.

He's an older guy, skinny and smokes like a chimney (I can see him in his blue pedophile van sucking down his cigarette). He wheels in this HUGE tank that has this hose attached to it so he can easily water everything in the office. He even comes in with a ladder to reach the high hanging plants in the lobby. What a job, driving to different offices all week long to water plants because we are all too lazy!

I have come to the conclusion that he must be lonely interacting with plants all day, because this guy LOVES to talk! Loves it! Doesn't matter who is in the lobby or who is listening this guy is chatting away. I guess it's partly my fault, the first couple of times he came in and started a conversation, I listened and chatted back. Now it doesn't matter if I'm talking on the phone, doing other work or just flat out ignoring him, he's telling me his life story.

He has 2 dogs, he's thinking of getting a new sofa, his niece is off the college, is best friend's daughter is getting married and he's doing all of the floral arrangement - and would you believe it, she changed her colors and is now mad at him! Not to mention that he's bummed summer is over, he loves going to the beach. One of his clients has a beach house, and he got to spend a weekend there while they were away, and he loved it! How do people not live by the water? His dogs would love it.

It's intense, and I think he might be insane. Every now and then when I'm just sitting there and I get stuck with him in the lobby, I admit I do talk to him. When the phone rings, one would assume that he would pause and wait for me to finish the call. Nope! I don't hear half the things he says because he just keeps going and going and going...

I've even tried to pretend to be on the phone, but it just doesn't matter. Poor guy, he must be lonely. And of course, he is a nice friendly guy, he just unfortunately got stuck with me as the receptionist!

Roses really smell like poo-poo

Today the CEO of the company decided to feel like he was at home. He came into the lobby, grabbed a newspaper and went into the men's room. He emerged about 15 minutes later, returned his paper and went on his day.

You and I both know what he was doing in there. And now, I have his poopy paper on my desk.

G-R-O-S-S.

Liar, Liar

Last week was so hot, your pants probably were on fire! Here at work that means the inside temperature is freezing due to the A/C and you have to bring a zip up so that you don't catch a cold from sitting in the sub zero temperatures. However, this past week, walking into the office actually felt nice. With that being said, let's get to the real story here:

The office manager, Jim, is the only guy I know that suffers from "migraines". He also usually gets these "migraines" on Monday and/or Friday. How convenient! So, when he had yet to be seen on a Wednesday at 11am, I knew something was up. Not that this is that shocking, this guy has the most ridiculous "schedule" ever. As an office manager, one would think you actually need to be in the office to do your job. Well not this kid, he usually strolls in between 10-10:30am and usually makes an appearance until 3pm. I started noticing his schedule, and starting making notes of every day he would call out "with a migraine" or any excuse, his best being he had to take his car to the mechanics to get new tires put on. Ugh. He annoys me.

So anyways, he's yet to be seen and a couple of co-workers and I find out from our boss, obviously nicked named boss boss, that Jim has called out sick. He has a migraine.

Uh huh. Sure. It's sunny and 97 degrees out, somehow I don't think so.

So, while us worker bees are actually working, a co-worker of mine decides to take a mental break and sign on good ol' facebook. Yup, you know where this story is going. So, while I'm not friends with this guy on FB, other people are and they saw his status, did a screen shot and emailed to a couple of us. Can ya guess what his status is?

"Sitting in front of my 2 ACs, not moving until softball tonight. It was to hot to go to work today"

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! Are you serious?? Not only do you not have a migraine and that you're going to partake in a physical activity later, but you post it for the world to see and admit that you're playing hooky when your co-workers can see it!! I mean really, if you *need* to post something like this, at least block people you work with!!

So of course, we print this out. But now, what do we do with it?? Who hands it in to boss boss? Is it even a good idea to do that?? All of us want to get him in trouble but how do we go about doing it? It's not that it's forbidden to go FB, but do we want to admit that we were on it during work hours?? Until we figure out what to do, we've all just been giving him the stank eye. I'm so close to asking him how his softball game went, or telling him that I think it's too hot to work today... Ugh, what a jerk. How stupid can you be to post that online?!?! And not only that, but post it where co-workers can see!! He probably thinks he's so smooth.

So, my blog followers, what would you do??