Another Miracle!

I don't know what is going on lately. But another miracle happened.

I had a snow day yesterday.

In the 4 years I have been at this company, I have never gotten a snow day. And it wasn't just me, the whole office was closed. I still am shocked.

And you know what's even cooler? Oh that's right, I only have to work 3 days this week! That's a total of 24 hours. I can handle that, right??

I guess we will see, so stay tuned my bloves :)

Ho Ho Ho!

A little Christmas love from your favorite Grinch :)

The Christmas Miracle

A Christmas miracle has happened. For the first time in 4 years, I will not have to work on Christmas Eve. And it's not even that I'm just some lucky girl that got the day off, the whole office is closed!!

Unlike most normal offices, my work loves to stay open for the Christmas Eve holiday. And they love us so much, they let us come right back to work the day after Christmas.

Luckily due to some Santa magic, Christmas has fallen on a Saturday, allowing me to get the Friday off before it. I'm not really sure how why this happens, especially since we don't get the day after Christmas off, but it doesn't matter. All I know is that not only can I enjoy my Christmas Eve, I can drink that 5th glass of eggnog on Christmas without a care in the world. Oh weekend Christmas, you may be my favorite of them all!

But WAIT! There's moooooooore!

For the first time in 4 years, I get the 31st off! And again, not because of my vacation hours, but due to the brilliance of January 1st being a Saturday! That means I have two 4-day weeks in a row!

While many of you probably have a 3 day week, or normally always get the 24th and 31st off, I am jealous. But I can't even begin to describe my happiness on just having these two days off!


For all of you that work in retail, I'm sorry, and I hope you do get some much deserved time off, but right now... I need to brag ;)

Here Comes The Sun

It's cold. It's really cold. I come into work all bundled up and immediately turn on my controversy causing space heater. (Really... is it THAT big of a deal that I have one? It's not like I leave in plugged in...nothing bad can happen!) Any who, with all the cold air that comes in when everyone enters and leaves the building, one would think that seeing the sun and having it shine through the lobby windows would be a fantastic sight.

WRONG.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a born beach bum. I spend every moment that I'm not working being outside in the sun. In the summer I'll go outside in the 90+ degree weather for my lunch break just to bask in the sun. I love it. So why can't I love the sun beating down on me during the cold winter months? Oh that's right, this is why: See that bright ball of fire up there? Oh yeah, that's the sun...shining directly in my eyes. Starting in November, it starts to creep through the windows and be on my chest. Slowly as the sun decides to change positions, it creeps up directly into my face. It gets so bad that I literally can't even see my computer screen in front of me. People joke that I should start wearing sunglasses.

Ha-Ha.

How about you stop being so cheap and buy some shades to cover those windows up!??

I know, I'm a complainer, but honestly, it's right in my eyes!



I'll work on getting a photo. Until then, this gem will have to do. That is literally how I feel.

Now if this was my boss, or even the CEO, this little "problem" would be gone faster than ever. Why am I not that important??

Guess until it's fixed, or until February rolls around and the sun decides to change positions again, I'll just start working on my tan ;)

Don't Worry, Be Happy

I'm glad this week is over. It's been a crazy busy week with phones off the hook, my boss assigning me more projects and having 2 disastrous lunch orders to deal with.

That being said, today I stand by the statement that it really is the small things in life that make me happy. Wednesday's and Thursday's lunch orders were beyond out of control (i.e. over 2 hours late, and when it finally showed up, everything was wrong...). So today when everything ran smoothly I was so thankful.

As I'm pulling out everyone's food, I came across Eileen's Greek salad with tuna. I immediately started laughing and had to take a picture:



How can that not make you smile?? Happy Friday everyone! :)

The Wiper

Warning, this blog is intended for mature audiences only, and with that said, you've been warned.

My desk has the unfortunate placement that I can see who enters and exits the lobby bathrooms. When the door that connects the main building to the lobby opens, I usually lift my head up just to see if it's anyone needing to speak with me or not. And if it's someone just going into the restroom, I tend to not pay any attention. This being said, I will notice if you're in there coughing up a storm, puking (ewww), painting your nails (yes, that really has happened....twice), or flushing the toilet, once, twice, yes, three times.

I now know when certain ladies enter the bathroom, I know when to avoid it. It was a hard lesson to be learned.

One day, I really had to pee. So, not thinking twice (because I really don't stalk the bathroom as much as this makes it seem) I jumped up from my desk and went into the bathroom. Someone was already in there. So as I'm washing my hands, I hear this really intense raw scraping sound. Picture someone using a toilet brush on a wall, that scraping sound is echoing in the bathroom. Between being absolutely confused as to what the hell that noise was, and wanting to vomit from the sound of it, I literally ran out of the bathroom.

So what did I do? I watched the bathroom to see who was making that noise, of course. So now whenever I need to go to the bathroom I make sure to always make note of who enters so I never get stuck with "the wiper".

So today, the worst thing ever happened. My day had ended and I headed into the bathroom to change into my gym clothes. (I know, I could just change at the gym, but seriously, when you've seen naked old woman in the locker room, you never want to go back in there.) So anyways, I enter the handicap stall, lock it, and then I hear the door to the bathroom open. I had no idea. I'm changing from my work socks to my gym socks and obviously, like any public bathroom, you don't want to actually touch anything with bare skin. So I'm balancing on one foot, trying to get my sock on when the unthinkable happens. I realize I'm in the restroom with the wiper.

Here I am, sock less, on one foot, trying not to gag and cover my ears at the same time.

And it's not just a 2 second sound. This woman really goes to town. It's probably the longest 20 seconds of my life. I end up forgetting I'm without sock, curl up in the fetal position, cover my ears trying to block out the scraping sound. I may have even been rocking back and forth, I'm not entirely sure how I ever made it through the dramatic event.

As soon as I heard the flush, I literally didn't know if I was going to puke or start praising God for allowing me to live through it. I threw my gym clothes on and was out of the office in record time. I played upbeat music in my car full of lovey happy things, trying to block out the sound of The Wiper.

I unfortunately see this woman multiple times during the day, and she's a frequent visitor to the bathroom. The mere sight of her makes my stomach flip flop. I can only hope no one ever gets stuck in the horrible torture chamber of the wiper.

But seriously, what the heck is this woman doing?!?

The Interrupter

There is really nothing more annoying that having someone cut you off mid sentence. Unfortunately, with my position, most people don't care with what I have to say. Even if it's something I'm required to say, such as "Good Morning, Thank you for calling..." or "Sure, let me transfer you."

I know, it's really hard to wait the 10 seconds for me to answer the phone and greet you. It's so rude of me to think you want to listen to me! The nerve of me! There is this one lady that works for my company at a different location, who I have never met, but I have talked to every working day of my life in the past 4 years. Her name and number never appear on the caller ID, so I never know when she's calling. It's always an unpleasant surprise when I hear that British voice.

"Good Morning, Thank you for..."
"GOOD MORNING!!! May I please speak with Annie in Accounting?"
"Sure, let me..."
"THANK YOUUUU"

Not only does she cut me off every single time, but she's so damn happy every single time she calls. I'm at the point where I wish her number came up so I could just answer the phone "Gooood Mornn...." and trail off, or not even answer when I picked up the call.

And it's not just a once-a-day occurrence. This woman calls me about 4-5 times a day! And what kills me is that she's always asking for another employee working in the office. Or the same employees, everyday. Crazy lady, just get their direct dial! Then you wouldn't even have to deal with me! I'm pretty sure she hates me and just wants to get me off the phone as fast possible. So why even call the main number?!

Bill suggested that I start cutting her off, but she's like the sneaky ninja of all callers! Not only does she strike without notice, but she'll jump right on me before I can do anything! I should almost start applauding her for wanting to be the faster caller I have to deal with daily. But I think Bill is right, I'll start cutting her off while she's cutting me off. Two can play this game.

"Good Morning, Thank..."
"May I be transferred to..."
"SURE"

CLICK!

Who will I transfer her to? Who cares! Maybe she'll start getting people's direct dials because of this.... I'm liking this!

Oh sneaky ninja interrupter, this could be fun.

BRING IT!

I think she has tourettes

My day started off just like any other - miserable. It was busy, the phone wouldn't stop ringing and there were a lot of people coming in and out of the lobby. So by the time 3pm hit, I was beyond ready to be done with my day. Trying to find the strength to finish out my day, I get one fantastic caller. And I do believe she suffered from tourett.

A little background info before starting the story: Lady had called before, asking to speak to a benefits representative. Now, these calls go to an automatic voicemail system, but if you listen to the prompts, there is an option to "zero out" and speak to a live person. You unfortunately have to listen to this whole recording, that lasts about 3minutes long that tells you what to leave in a message before saying "OR if you'd like to speak to a live benefits representative, please press 1." The majority of people will not wait through this entire prompt, and most will call me back saying they just want a live person and don't understand why they must go through this voicemail system. But that's the way things are, and I don't care, so you're so stuck with going through it and listening to it....again.

Ok, now that we're all caught up, here's the story:
Lady, after being transferred to the help desk and instructed on how to receive a live person:
I DID WHAT YOU SAID AND STILL GOT A VOICEMAIL!!!

Me" "I'm sorry, who were you trying to reach?" (because honestly, I get so many calls, I can't remember them all)

Lady: UGH!!! Is it that f$#%ing hard for you guys to pick up your phones??

Me: "Ummm hello??"

Lady: "I used to work for this company and I used to think it was so great. Now I think you're all shitty!"

Me, after stopping myself from laughing, compose myself to ask her what I can do to help her.

Lady: "I know, I know, I'm CRAZY for wanting to speak to a live person!!! I'M CRAZY!!"
pause
Lady: "GOD DAMN IT!!!"

This is where I wold love to tell all callers that yes, the employees in this office rarely pick up their phones and I know it sucks, but other than transfer you, there's nothing else I can do. I convinced the lady that going back to the help desk was the best option because if all else fails, at least she can leave a voicemail message in the right department.

I know she's an ex-employee, but honestly, where do we find these winners?!?
And is it bad that all I could think of what the lady in "Deuce Bigalow" who had tourettes?

Yes, Ruby, it is. See ya Hell!
(2:55 PM)

Hi My Name Is.

I'm Ruby, and I'm the full time receptionist. Jade, short for Jaden is our part time receptionist who works a couple hours in the afternoon. We look nothing alike. I'm blonde, she's brunette. She's tall, I'm short. She has short hair, mine is long. There's really no good reason to ever confuse us.

Now I've had problems with co-workers calling me the wrong name for a while now. Everything from Sandra (the receptionist before me) to Renee (Still not sure where that one came from!). I know Ruby isn't a common name, but it's pretty easy! So needless to say, I'm used to being called the wrong name.

So today, I had the lovely pleasure of being stuck in the lobby with a creepy delivery driver. Unfortunately both my name and Jaden's name are on two name plates behind our desk. Mr. El-Creepo decides to start conversation by asking "which one are you?" Um, what? "Which girl are you, Ruby or Jaden?" Oh Jesus, now what do I do? "Are you Ruby?" yes, yes, I am, please leave me alone. That should end this game... right?!

So, thankfully John came out and picked up his order and it looked like El-Creepo was going to just walk out the door. But no, he turns around, looks at me, waves and says "BYE JAY-Z"! and walks out.

Shut the front door. Did he just call me Jay-Z? Now, not only did he ask if I was Ruby but I answered him correctly! Plus, he clearly said Jaden before, so I don't know where the heck he came up with Jay-Z! I mean, I guess Jaden sort of sounds like Jay-Z????

I told Jade the story when she came in and she got a good laugh out of it. I guess we will just have to wait and see when the guy comes back what he calls me.

Ugh, why do I get stuck with the crazies??

Working From Home

While I don't get the privilege of working from home like a lot of people who work in an office, one advantage of being a receptionist is that I never have to bring work home. Since I'm hourly, when that clock strikes 5 o' clock I know my work day is good and over!

So, please explain to me why for the past 2 days I have BROUGHT WORK HOME WITH ME!! Oh, that's right... the back up computer at work, which has excel on it, isn't working and likes to freeze randomly. And why is this happening you ask? Oh...probably from the porn site I accidentally clicked on! GREAT. So, of course, I've put a help desk ticket in with IT, and of course they haven't come to check it out! Which, I'm sort of relieved about because I'm afraid of what they might find!

So, since I've been trying to finish up a data entry project, and realllllly just want it over with, I've decided bringing it home with me might just be the fastest and easiest solution to my problem. There's nothing worse than working on an excel chart, entering all sorts of boring information, only to have your computer freeze, restart and lose all your data that was entered!

So here I am at home, entering data into an excel chart. On line 790. You've got to be kidding me! I'm debating putting in for over time, but dragging my boss into the whole mess of why my computer isn't working just doesn't seem like a good idea.

At least here at home, I get to wear my snuggie :)

Excuse me miss, you forgot your pants!

Let me be honest. I am not a fan of leggings. Or jeggings. Or whatever else they're called.

And I am definitely not a fan of those who wear them work. Leggings with a long sweater or tunic paired with either heels or flats don't really seem like a work appropriate outfit, but maybe that's just me.

So my blovers (get it...blog lovers... I know I'm hilarious!) are leggings acceptable as a substitution for pants? Should they be acceptable as work wear in a business causal office?

And if the answer is yes, how old is too old?

So obviously this isn't just some random thought, today at work I witness not 1, but 2, older women dressed in leggings. One was even wearing Uggs with them (They were brown, the leggings black, and let's not even get me started on that!!) From looking at them, knowing they're both married and have children, I would assume they are late 30's. Maybe early 40's. I almost feel like they rocked them in the 80's and saw that leggings are having a "come back" and decided this was the greatest thing ever. I wonder if they think they look cool.

I decided to turn to google and search , just how old is too old for leggings. The results may shock you. "Answer: You’re never too old to wear leggings, but you do want to modify how you wear them. "

However, after doing more research, I did find that a lot of people agree with me with thinking that leggings are not pants! So next time you're getting ready for work, put the leggings down and walk away. Your receptionist will thank you :)

The Fax

First of all, who even faxes anymore?!?!

Ok, that being said...
I sit next to a fax machine that usually doesn't get any information faxes. Every now and then, in between all the spam, I do get a random fax that seems important. I check to see it's for, and will either call that person, or let Bill swing by desk and have him hand deliver it to the recipient. Now, Bill has been out of the office for a couple days, so this one fax has just been sitting on my desk. Normally I would just call the person, but this is for a person who doesn't work in this office, and I *think* Bill just forwards it along with mail that we send to our other offices. I think, I really have no idea what he does with it.

So, this fax has been sitting on my desk. In the corner, not really in my way so I tend to forget about it. However, we do a daily lunch order form, and the fax is sort of near the order sheet.

You would not believe how many people have come to my desk, to either order lunch or ask me a question, that have picked up the fax, obviously see it's not for them and continue to read it!! What?!? Who does that??

So, naturally I sit there and STARE at them, because not only are they reading a fax that isn't theirs, they're reading something that is on MY desk! What if that was my fax, what if it was something personal! They always seem so startled too when they look up and just see me looking at them. Yes, you're doing something wrong, and yes, I caught you. Put down the fax and walk away! haha!

What weirdos! Only I get to read everyone else's faxes ;-)

I may be getting fired...

So, today I had Bill covering my lunch break. When I came back, I sat in the extra chair at my desk and just chatted with him for a while. We started talking about Halloween and he asked if I was dressing up, or going to any parties. On his phone he started showing me pics of his costume - Mario, as in Super Mario, and I decided that I was going to show him my costume on the back up computer that we have at reception. Now, I'm not going as anything skanky, in fact it's a funny costume. I can't tell you what it is, because it's a surprise and it's going to be a kick ass costume . So I type it in and put the word adult in front of it because I didn't want a kid size costume.

Yup, you know where this is going...

So the first link shows up, says the name of the costume so naturally I click on it. All of a sudden a thousand pop ups come up, and as I start clicking the "x" I start to realize something bad is happening. I cancel out of all the pop ups and the web page loads...

Covering the web page is...

NAKED woman, and millions of them!! LOL

Bill and I freak, well, I scream and can't close the web page fast enough. Bill sat their laughing. As soon as I got everything closed, Bill and I just start laughing out of control. I was between just absolutely mortified and finding it just so funny! I then start freaking out that that this happened on a work computer and how IT could track my history. Bill starts to reassure me that IT wouldn't just check the history, they only would if they had a reason to. Plus, the website didn't look like a porn site name, otherwise I never never would have clicked on it! Phew. I think I'm in the clear.

A couple minutes later, after Bill leaves my desk, he calls me and is just laughing. I look over at the computer and a virus warning has popped up. Great. Just great. So naturally I click to "X" out of it and get back to work. And then, as my luck has it, Jim appears and needs use the back up computer to print a security badge. Why we have this hooked up to this computer and not in his office is besides me. So anyways, he sits down and the virus ad pops up. He says he'll call IT and have them out to fix it and that's when I literally start to sweat bullets.

IT seems to appear within minutes (of course, they never respond fast except for now!!). So Matt comes out, and as I'm literally trying to think of excuses as to why there could be porn on my computer, he explains to me that this is nothing bad. It's a form of spy-ware, that says you have a virus, when you really don't. It does that in hopes that you'll click it and then infect your computer. Hmm... wonder where THAT came from ;)

He ran the virus protection, told me what to do when the scan stopped and went on his way. Turns out, 11 items were infected, and I cleaned it up and it seems ok.

Lesson learned, won't be searching anything with the word "adult" in front of it!!

Oh, and now Bill thinks I'm being a porn star for Halloween and has invited to me a party, lol!

Pink Pins Update!

I just have to share something cool. My office raised $1210 in a week for Breast Cancer Awareness! That's $200 more than we raised last year!

Not bad, annoying co-workers, not bad. :)

The Pink Pins

So this week we are doing a fundraiser for Breast Cancer Awareness month. Donate $5, you can wear jeans for a day, or donate $10 and you can wear jeans for the whole entire week! Wearing jeans is a suchhhh a great way to get people to donate, because who doesn't love wearing jeans to work?! And all week? done and done!! There have been a few great people who have opted to donated more "just because", which I think is awesome. The President of the company (who happens to be a woman) donated $100, and has yet to wear jeans all week. I like this woman.

Now let's talk about the ones I don't, because let's face it, that's what this blog is really all about! :) There are 4 different people in the office that are collecting donations. I am one of them, natch. I've always helped out to collect since it makes sense since I'm in the main area and sees the most amount of people. Of course, this is when the lobby becomes a huge cluster of people. And not to mention, rude people. I literally have people who come up to my desk and throw their money at me. I have people who will stand there just holding their $10, without saying what they want. I have people who tell me they want a pin before I could get them one in exchange for donating.

Who are these people!? You're doing a nice gesture, and in exchange for that you get to be rewarded for wearing jeans for an entire week! Hold your horses and be nice to me! No one is forcing you to donate. You could be a real jerk and wear jeans when you didn't donate and no one would know! How am I to know if you're donating, ordering lunch, or just there to ask me a question!? Please just say something, don't just stand there expecting me to know what you want!

One day, someone will politely come up to my desk, and say "Hi Ruby, how are you? I would like to donate money for the Breast Cancer Awareness fundraiser." I would smile and reply "Ok! Let me get your pin. And how much do you want to donate?"

Sighhh.....

Yeah right, who are we kidding... I would never respond like that ;)

There's an issue in the bathroom

NMO. Aka New Managers Orientation. Aka one of the worst weeks at work.

During these weeks we have new managers from different sites come in and they get a 4 day "training" at the corporate office to learn about....???....managing people, I assume?? It's usually all women, and usually a TON of them. There's nothing more frightening when the gaggle of them boom into the building with all their luggage (cause, yup, they come right from the airport), yelling (not chatting, because they are just SOOO excited to be there!) and being totally lost of where they need to be or where the conference room. Oh, and where do they put their luggage? And do we have coffee? Where are the rest rooms, will we be serving a breakfast???

Welcome to my life.

So anyways, the day continues on. Until, the greatest thing ever happened. Bill told me the greatest story ever, which happened to involve a "NMO".

Bill was sitting at his desk, when an employee came looking for him since, naturally, our office manager was no where to be found. So, the employee, looking rather distraught, told Bill that there was an "issue" upstairs in the women's bathroom, and she needed his help immediately. So, Bill said he would call the property management company and would get someone out there to help out. The lady told Bill that this was a critical issue and it needed to be handled asap. So Bill, assuming it was a clogged toilet, or a leaking sink decided he would humor the lady and go upstairs to take a look.

What he found was way better.

There was a....

NMO....

STUCK IN A BATHROOM STALL!!!! Totally locked in, couldn't get the door to open at all!!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! I personally would have FREAKED out! That, or climbed under the door and freed myself.

Can you even imagine being that lady? Or better yet, the lady who was next into the bathroom? Do you think she heard "excuse me??? can you help me, I'm STUCK in here!"

So poor Bill was unfortunately stuck to get this woman out. Having her crawl under the door wasn't an option as she wasn't small in size or real young. After trying to "kick down the door" and fiddle around with the lock, Bill ended up pretty much knocking the door off the hinges to free the poor visitor. Once the scared lady left the stall, Bill took it upon himself to take a look at the damage to determine how he was going to fix it. As he entered the stall, he realized this lady decided that in the all the time she was locked in there, flushing the toilet was not an option!!

EW! Who does that??? Why would you not flush?? Especially if you're trapped in there - people are going to see what you did, or...didn't do!!

Needless to say, Bill never fixed the door.

She said what?!

The most ridiculous thing happened to me today.

It started out a typical day, I was getting yelled at by a caller who did not like that they reached a voicemail and demanded they speak to live person. No biggie, I get thousand of these calls a day. I have absolutely no sympathy for these people. Rules are rules, and if you want to speak someone about your benefits, you go to their helpdesk, end of story.

So what was so different about this caller?

Well, she rudely told me that she....

had...

wait for it....





CANCER! And was getting CHEMO on Monday. Therefore she absolutely had no time for a voicemail and demands to speak to a real live person.

A what what??

Did you just tell me you have cancer in hopes that this will get you a person to speak to? You could be the president of the United States and that still is not going to get me to transfer you to a person. You get a voicemail, just like everyone else. And honestly, who knows if she really has cancer? This lady was so rude to me, I almost feel she made it up so she would get her way. Sorry hunny, you picked the wrong girl. I mean, who just tells a random receptionist she has cancer?!?

I know, I know!! I'm SO mean, I'm horrible! But honestly, telling me that you have cancer does nothing. You might as well tell me that you have 2 heads. It's not going to get me to do anything differently. I've known people that have had cancer, and none of them would have ever used that to "get their way".

So, who's wrong? Me, for being a jerk and sticking to what the rules are and doing what I've been instructed to do, or for a caller telling me she is sick to try to get around the system???

A Bug's Life.

Yes, you read that correctly, LIVE INSECTS are in that box. And where is that box, you ask? MY DESK, of course!

And what does the small print say below OPEN IMMEDIATELY? Well, let me tell you!

"This package may include one or more of the following: butterflies, ladybugs, ants, praying mantis, silkworms, mill worms or earthworms."

What the F is this doing being delivered to a corporate office and why the F is not in the mail room and on my desk?!?!?!

Naturally I called Bill and he "handled it, handled it."

Only after shaking it.

Whoops.

Never did find out what was inside, but I'm thinking it's probably better that way. It was most likely dead anyways.

Whoops.

The STANK!

I walked into the lobby today and it was like walking into septic tank. I almost thought that an animal had crawled into the office and decided to die. So instead of just going to my desk and sitting in the rancid smell, I went on a mission to find Bill (Office Services guy that comes in at the same time as me) to figure out what the smell was. The smell of course, was just in the lobby. Lovely!

I found Bill, dragged him into the lobby and he described it as being smacked in the face by a bag full of sh*t! And he's right, I couldn't have said it better myself! So naturally, I made him handle it. He comes back a couple of minutes later saying he called the property management company, and had to leave a message. So he decided that there was only one solution to this stinky problem. He stood there holding a bottle of Febreze and a bottle of Yankee Candle spray. "Pick your poison" was what he told me. "BOTH!" was my response. He hands over the Febreze and I start walking around spraying EVERYTHING. Carpets, couches/chairs, my desk, the floors... it doesn't matter, everything was going to be covered with the lovely scent of "extra strength clean". Then Bill and I look at each other and sigh, there was only two places left to spray...

THE....

BATHROOMS!!!!

Ahhh, as if we had seconds to react before toxic fumes entered our bodies, we took turns spraying the men's and women's room. And unfortunately, we have concluded the smell originated in the women's room. G-R-O-S-S!!!!
Because of this disgusting fact, I felt the Febreze wasn't enough to mask all stinky smells, I made sure to go around the whole lobby - bathrooms included - and spray the Yankee Candle spray.

The result was deadly.

Not only was it way stronger than I thought (DUH!!!) but now I had to sit in it! I don't know what's worst, the smell in the lobby, or the fact that I knew I smelt as bad. Luckily for me, I got so stuffed up within minutes, that I couldn't smell a thing and didn't mind the comments people were making about how awful the lobby smelled. In fact, they all felt bad for me. Love it!

At the end of my shift, the property management had yet to check out what was wrong, and I had to run over to Target. All I could think of was how I must being walking around smelling all sorts of funky. I really don't know what would be worse, sitting in the stank, or smelling of the stank.

Let's just hope that tomorrow the smell is gone...

Plant Boy

Once a week I have to deal with Plant Boy. Who is Plant Boy you ask? Well he's someone we pay to come in weekly to water all the plants in the office. Yes, we actually pay someone to do this.

He's an older guy, skinny and smokes like a chimney (I can see him in his blue pedophile van sucking down his cigarette). He wheels in this HUGE tank that has this hose attached to it so he can easily water everything in the office. He even comes in with a ladder to reach the high hanging plants in the lobby. What a job, driving to different offices all week long to water plants because we are all too lazy!

I have come to the conclusion that he must be lonely interacting with plants all day, because this guy LOVES to talk! Loves it! Doesn't matter who is in the lobby or who is listening this guy is chatting away. I guess it's partly my fault, the first couple of times he came in and started a conversation, I listened and chatted back. Now it doesn't matter if I'm talking on the phone, doing other work or just flat out ignoring him, he's telling me his life story.

He has 2 dogs, he's thinking of getting a new sofa, his niece is off the college, is best friend's daughter is getting married and he's doing all of the floral arrangement - and would you believe it, she changed her colors and is now mad at him! Not to mention that he's bummed summer is over, he loves going to the beach. One of his clients has a beach house, and he got to spend a weekend there while they were away, and he loved it! How do people not live by the water? His dogs would love it.

It's intense, and I think he might be insane. Every now and then when I'm just sitting there and I get stuck with him in the lobby, I admit I do talk to him. When the phone rings, one would assume that he would pause and wait for me to finish the call. Nope! I don't hear half the things he says because he just keeps going and going and going...

I've even tried to pretend to be on the phone, but it just doesn't matter. Poor guy, he must be lonely. And of course, he is a nice friendly guy, he just unfortunately got stuck with me as the receptionist!

Roses really smell like poo-poo

Today the CEO of the company decided to feel like he was at home. He came into the lobby, grabbed a newspaper and went into the men's room. He emerged about 15 minutes later, returned his paper and went on his day.

You and I both know what he was doing in there. And now, I have his poopy paper on my desk.

G-R-O-S-S.

Liar, Liar

Last week was so hot, your pants probably were on fire! Here at work that means the inside temperature is freezing due to the A/C and you have to bring a zip up so that you don't catch a cold from sitting in the sub zero temperatures. However, this past week, walking into the office actually felt nice. With that being said, let's get to the real story here:

The office manager, Jim, is the only guy I know that suffers from "migraines". He also usually gets these "migraines" on Monday and/or Friday. How convenient! So, when he had yet to be seen on a Wednesday at 11am, I knew something was up. Not that this is that shocking, this guy has the most ridiculous "schedule" ever. As an office manager, one would think you actually need to be in the office to do your job. Well not this kid, he usually strolls in between 10-10:30am and usually makes an appearance until 3pm. I started noticing his schedule, and starting making notes of every day he would call out "with a migraine" or any excuse, his best being he had to take his car to the mechanics to get new tires put on. Ugh. He annoys me.

So anyways, he's yet to be seen and a couple of co-workers and I find out from our boss, obviously nicked named boss boss, that Jim has called out sick. He has a migraine.

Uh huh. Sure. It's sunny and 97 degrees out, somehow I don't think so.

So, while us worker bees are actually working, a co-worker of mine decides to take a mental break and sign on good ol' facebook. Yup, you know where this story is going. So, while I'm not friends with this guy on FB, other people are and they saw his status, did a screen shot and emailed to a couple of us. Can ya guess what his status is?

"Sitting in front of my 2 ACs, not moving until softball tonight. It was to hot to go to work today"

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! Are you serious?? Not only do you not have a migraine and that you're going to partake in a physical activity later, but you post it for the world to see and admit that you're playing hooky when your co-workers can see it!! I mean really, if you *need* to post something like this, at least block people you work with!!

So of course, we print this out. But now, what do we do with it?? Who hands it in to boss boss? Is it even a good idea to do that?? All of us want to get him in trouble but how do we go about doing it? It's not that it's forbidden to go FB, but do we want to admit that we were on it during work hours?? Until we figure out what to do, we've all just been giving him the stank eye. I'm so close to asking him how his softball game went, or telling him that I think it's too hot to work today... Ugh, what a jerk. How stupid can you be to post that online?!?! And not only that, but post it where co-workers can see!! He probably thinks he's so smooth.

So, my blog followers, what would you do??

Guess who's back

Hello, my blog following friends! I have returned!

I would like to apologize for my complete lack of blogging. Due to summer vacations, moving out of my apartment and a very sad break up, I wasn't up for blogging. But, I am now - and I have an endless amount of material to keep me blogging forever!! :-)

So this past weekend was glorious, and I spent both days doing what I do best - beaching and boating. So I decided to wear a wicked cute white v-neck shirt today because, well, I wanted to show off the nice tan I'm sporting! So, I pair it up with some gray pants (or my old man pants, as my sister likes to call them), throw on my cute wedge sandals and off to work I go.

And then, something awful happened.

No, I didn't spill my tea all down the front of me, or get ink all over myself (which I have definitely done before!) but....

I....

Matched....

MATCHING GIRLS!!!

Not only did I have a white shirt on, it was THE SAME shirt as one of them. Damn you Kohl's, and your fabulously priced shirts!! And while we had different gray pants on, they were verrrry similiar. Thankfully they had on red pumps.

It's definitely a weird feeling walking down the hall and all of a sudden noticing you have on the same outfit as another girl! I'm hoping no one else besides the 3 of us noticed...but somehow...I don't think so.

They even joked to me that we must all shop at the same stores. I almost wanted to comment if they planned to wear the same outfit, but I didn't. Instead I ran back to my desk. I don't think the office is ready for triplets just yet ;)

Oh, No Biggie

Yeah, that's right. Brad Pitt called me.

All in a day's work ;)

No Shoes, No Problem??

I reallllyyy don't understand people and I'm seriously losing faith in the human race.

At work we have what is called the "Employee Sign-In Sheet". It sits on my desk and when you forget your security pass that allows you access into the building, you check your name and I "buzz" you in. For some reason unknown to man, everyone in this office is deathly afraid of having to check their name when they forget their pass. Usually when one realizes they forget their pass, they do one of two things. Either they look at me and point to the door (without checking their name off) or they will SPRINT from one end to the other when they see someone exiting and opening the door, just so they don't have to 'check' their name off. Surprisingly none of them pay any attention when I check their names off for them. :)

What are they so afraid of and where does this fear come from?! The best part is that at the end of each week, I literally put the piece of paper in a folder, and place it in my filing cabinet, never to be seen again.

So here we are today. One overly tan lady comes in, says hello, and waves her pass at me. You're not required to show me your pass, I know who works here and who doesn't, but this lady alwaysssssssss forgets it. When she does have it, its a major accomplishment and we both like to acknowledge that she is capable of remembering herr pass. So, she shows me, we both smile and go on with our day.

Jump forward 20-30minutes, and she's back in the lobby, ordering her lunch. Only there's something weird about her. She hands me her money while I'm staring at her, giving her "what the helllll is wrong with you" look, when she walks back to the door (that's locked, and you have to use your pass for.) Only, what this I see? Cinderella is only wearing one shoe. She's walking around in the lobby, like a crazy peron, with one sandal on. WHAT? WHY?! Well, my friends, this special woman has decided to PROPT the door open with her shoe.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! Isn't it just easier to check your name off on a list? Or to ask me to buzz you in? Or, I dunno, REMEMBER THE PASS YOU JUST HAD?? She JUST had it! She showed it to me!

AHHHHHH what is wrong with people?!?!?!?!

The Smelly OCD Lady

Ever known anyone that smelled so bad that you literally had to hold your breath when they were around you? Welcome to my life when smelly OCD lady comes into the lobby.

In trying to find ways to compare just how stinky this woman is, think of when you open your fridge and can smell that something has gone bad. Or when you walk into your house and realize you need to take your trash out, asap. I'll even go as far as comparing her to the smell of a wet dog. That's how disgusting this lady smells.

Now before you start calling me mean (again!), I'm not making fun of her..(altho I'm sure I will), it's her perfume I don't like. She chooses to be this stinky. It's old lady perfume that is so potent I literally have to put my hand over my nose and mouth because can't breathe when she's around. So now the question is, does she think she actually smells good?? And how does she not see me gasping for air when she's around??

She comes into the lobby a lot. We do a lunch order daily, where I pick a local sub shop randomly, and if you forgot your lunch, or just feel like buying one, you look at the menu, pick out what you want, and then give me your money. Smelly OCD lady loooooooooves to order out! There's even a rumor around the office that literally eats alllll day long. I believe it. She comes to work every day with a suitcase on wheels, supposedly filled with all sorts of goodies - snacks, frozen meals, leftovers, that are meant to keep her eating all day long. Wouldn't you think she'd pack a lunch if she's going to bring a SUITCASE with food everyday? Hank even said he saw her heating up pasta..... at 9:30am...what?!?!

Besides being incredibly stinky, this lovely woman has some of the worst OCD I have ever seen. When she comes to order lunch, she actually has to have things on MY desk lined up a certain way before she leave. So I took a picture to show just how crazy she is. :)

As you can see, her obsessive compulsive disorder makes her literally have to have everything lined up a certain way. Her money MUST be tucked in to the upper right corner, fanned out (highest bill on the left), and on a diagonal. And of course, change MUST be presented on top of the bills. Duh!

Her pen must be on the lunch ordering form, and the menu has to be on the left side. So naturally, what do I do? I like to mess with her, and always move things around once she places everything the way she likes it. The first time I did it, I crumbled her dollar bills while picking them up, then dropped them and answered the phone. The horrified look on this lady's face was an instant classic. From that moment, I knew it meant I had to mess with her.

Let's just hope I don't give her a heart attack in the process. Or that I don't pass out from inhaling toxic fumes.

The Short Week

Ahh, there is absolutely nothing better than having a nice long holiday weekend. Especially one with great weather like the one we just had. Well no, I lied. A week long vacation would be better, but still, the same happens. It always ends and you always have to go back to work.

Short weeks are some of the longest weeks. And this week is especially slow since a lot of people are on vacation and I'm not. And not to mention I've had a lot of computer problems at work, so I literally just sit around and wait for IT to fix everything.

How is it possible that 4 days can drag on and be worse than 5? It probably doesn't help I've gotten a million mean callers, stupid visitors/randoms in the lobby and a computer than nobody in IT knows whats wrong with it, or really cares all that much to fix. Not to mention I've had days where I don't know whether I'm going to burst out laughing hysterically or start bawling my eyes out. Yes, while still at work.

Yesterday I had 2 people in the lobby before 8am, when we're officially open. To quote Peter Griffin, this really grinds my gears. The most annoying part is the outside door is locked and you have to use your access pass to enter before 8am. So guess who has to get up and down every single time someone (in an office with 300 employees) is locked out, forgets their badge, or decides to have an interview come for 8am. ME! I have to admit, one of the best part about this is seeing the interviewee's confused face as they realize they can't open the door and try to figure out what to do.

Scheduling an 8am meeting or interview is just dumb. But if you reaalllllly need to and you're the one scheduling it, you should be IN THE OFFICE for 8am. My work day starts at 7:30am, and in those 30mins before 8am, I have my morning routine to do. While it actually does include doing some work related stuff, it also means getting my morning cup of tea and breakfast. Tea = Happy Ruby. No tea and having to sit with guests until the the person comes out to get them = NOT happy Ruby.

One would think over the years and years that I've been here that I would have a stash of plastic bowls and spoons up at my desk and be prepared for such circumstances that could upset my morning routine. I have a mini fridge at my desk, which is supposed to be for me to give water bottles out to guest, buttttt it's more for me to have a place to store my lunch, string cheese snacks and all the milk I need for my cheerios. But no, yesterday I was not prepared.

As I sat in the lobby, calling employees that were clearly not in the office yet, I pondered how stupid it is that I'm stuck in my chair as soon as 8am rolls around. I couldn't believe that I wasn't going to get my tea or my breakfast because of this dumb rule. No one else has to be stuck in their chair, so why should I?! So I say screw it! I left the losers in the lobby and went to the kitchen to get my tea and cheerios bowl. :)

Short week, thank goodness you're almost over.

I need to bring a resume??

So today a young girl (definitely in her 20's) came in for an interview, and I hope for sake of this company we don't hire her. I'm not just saying that to be mean. There are certain things you should know before going to an interview.

That being said, bringing your resume should be number one on your list.

Yes, that's right. She didn't bring her resume because she assumed we would print it out because, and I quote, "isn't that why you submit your resume, for the interviewer to have a copy?" she asked. She didn't even look embarrassed when the recruiter looked at her funny when she mentioned she didn't bring any copies of her resume, or even get nervous when the recruiter told her that she should always bring a resume to every job interview. I'm pretty sure I would have wanted to die and walk out, knowing I messed up and most likely would not be getting the job. Not this girl, I don't think she even realized she did anything wrong.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I was in college, I had to take a writing class where we worked on resumes and even did mock cover letters and pretend interviews. Besides learning the basics of what to wear and how to present yourself, it was always implied you brought your resume, with extra copies, along with your references.

To this girl's defense, after reading her resume (yes, I have the power to do that), it looks like this might even be her first real interview. The job she currently has, she had while in college as an internship, so I'll assume that she got that job just because a full time position once she graduated. But seriously, is it just me or does it seem crazy to not bring your resume?!?

But what do I know? I'm just the receptionist ;)

It's getting hot in here!

I love the summer. What I don't love is sitting in a lobby, with huge windows in front of me, staring at the gorgeous weather. It's 90 degrees, and altho everyone is complaining how gross it is outside, I'm so happy that summer is here. :)

One of the most interesting thing about working in a corporate office during summer is learning, and seeing, a lot more about your co-workers. Once the warm weather comes, the tattoos are revealed and the layers come off! I was in the lunch room, putting my sandwich together, when Annie walked in to the vending machine. Her shirt was a little to short to be tucked in and when she bent over to get her 100 calorie snack pack, I learned that she has a lovely tramp stamp! A pleasant start to my lunch break! Over the years, I've seen foot and ankle tattoos that have been hiding all winter, and was shocked to find out that our quiet, very professional, i-wear-a-suit-everyday corporate lawyer sports tattoos all over both his forearms, one on his calf and one around his ankle. I learned this due to Friday's casual day - and Mr. Lawyer wore a t-shirt and man shorts. I also hear his chest covered, and his upper arms as well, due to some people that saw him rock a tank top at the gym. No wonder he wears long sleeves everyday! I do find him to be a lot cooler now that I know he's covered in tats ;)

I'm also amazed by the amount of co-workers that come into work in the most inappropriate outfits during the summer. I'm all for short shorts, but to work? really? One lady came in wearing a halter dress, not that bad, right? Maybe pair it up with a cardigan to cover up? But I'll let it fly that she has nothing as a cover up because that's not the worst part. This lady isn't exactly flat chested, and I'm not even positive she's got a bra on. Now, I know it's hot out, and normally it'd be a cute summer dress, but that doesn't mean you should show off the goods to all your co-workers.

I also get to see a lot of female co-workers legs! Oh how the male population at the office must love this season - we get to see pale legs, hairy legs, stubby legs, thin legs, orange self tanner legs! everything! I usually don't tend to show my legs, I like to just wear pants year round because the AC is FREEZINGGG (and not to mention I'm not trying to impress anyone here at work), but on the very off chance that I decide a skirt is needed (and so far its happened only once), my legs were most definitely shaved. And, I don't go around announcing that I haven't shaved my legs in over a week. Gross, people!

Apparently there's also no rule on how short your skirt or dress can be. Our office is "business casual" but it seems once the weather turns nice its almost a game to see who can get away with wearing the least. I'm gonna bet I won't win this game ;)

Delivery Boys

You know in the movie 'Legally Blonde' how there's a hot UPS delivery guy that comes in daily? Where does that happen?! Please tell me so I can get a job there. The past couple times my bestie has gone to a local sub shop for lunch, she runs into the same hot foreign guy ordering a sandwich. WTH! Where is my daily hot guy? I should clarify, where is my daily hot guy that makes working 8 hours more enjoyable? (And uh...to my boyfriend, if you're reading this, just ignore that last sentence :) love you!)

But seriously, I do not get any perks of seeing any good looking UPS drivers, delivery boys, or random people coming in for meetings or interviews! So unfair. The worst is the sketchy delivery guys who make me so uncomfortable I wish I could just get up and leave the lobby. Some of them try to chat with me, and ALL of them like to stand RIGHT next to me while waiting for the person who ordered food to come out. I can smell their nasty cologne - remember in 8th grade when boys learned about cologne and pretty much showered in that? yeah, its WORSE than that. I could punch them by just moving my arm to the left, and I'm pretty sure they're looking down my shirt, since I'm sitting and they're standing. These guys are just so creepy. I cringe when I see one coming in. I can't even begin to explain just how much I dread the 5 minutes I sit waiting for whoever ordered to come out and get their food.

Lots of them think they're so cool, and probably think they're doing me a service by coming in and gracing me with their presence. One creepy older looking guy tried to get me interested in talking to him by informing me he's a bartender on the weekends, and ya know what? He'll hook me up with free drinks - just come in with all my girlfriends. Oh sure, this sounds like a GREAT idea - my friends and I love creepy delivery men/bartenders!

While trying to tell him, thanks but NO THANKS, I get the reply "what? you dont like to go out on weekends? you don't party?" Umm, if by you thinking I don't party means I don't have to continue this conversation, then yes, yes, I hate going out on weekends. "Here let me give you my number so you can call me when you're coming in town" What??? Gross! Trust me, that sticky note was immediately thrown out, and the rest of my note pad was moved far far far away to the corner of my desk that only I can reach.

Being the mastermind that I am, I've even started pretending that I'm on the phone just so I don't have to have any conversation with them - who does that?! THIS GIRL! Such a brilliant plan. And if this starts to fail, I think I'll start pretending I have turrets :)

So, to all you delivery people out there: Leave us receptionists alone! ;) Unless you're Johnny Depp, or any other hot rich actor, just don't even bother. I'm paid to act pleasant to guests, it doesn't mean I like you. Unless we start a conversation with you, just do us a favor and don't speak. And always, always!!! stand at least 5 feet away. :)

Houston, We're Ready for Takeoff!

So, like any hard working girl I like to have web Sudoku up at all times so I can play a game or two in my "down time". I'm the master of Sudoku. I credit my job for allowing me to advance my skill and technique in this game. I've learned how to do this game pretty fast as well, I get over 300 calls a day, so I really don't have a lot of time to ponder what number can go where. Due to the high volume of calls I receive daily, you can see how frustrating it is when you're trying to figure out if it’s the 8 or 9 that goes in that square when the phone rings and messes you up.

To catch you up to speed, I answer the phone through my computer, more specifically my keyboard. Since the phone's program is through my computer I don't actually pick up a receiver, or even use a standard phone. I actually don't know how I would even transfer a phone call if I wasn't able to type their name in and hit enter! Anyways, here's my story.

So it was after my lunch break (aka my 30 minutes of bliss), when I sat back at my desk. I logged back into my emails, and immediately popped up a Sudoku screen and started in on my puzzle. Now I'm weird that when I have a blank square, and it’s not an obvious answer, I count down from 9 to determine what numbers can go there. One would think that once the phone rings, and I have to switch over to that screen, I would just stay on that screen until finished with the call. Nope, not this girl. I do the quick alt-tab trick and immediately go back to my game, totally forgetting that I'm even on the phone. So instead of answering the phone like I normally do, the caller got a great earful of me going "Hmm..9-8-7-6...uh... Good Afternoon, thank you for calling...."

YES. You read that correctly, I answered the phone while doing a COUNT DOWN! I can't even imagine what the caller thought was wrong with me.

Luckily the caller only laughed for a couple seconds before asking for the payroll department. I guess this is what I get for all those times I laughed at those callers that I have caught singing on the other end. But seriously, that cannot be as bad as a friggin count down! There really is no way to come back from that. As my co-worker Ben pointed out later when I relayed the story, I should have said sure, let me transfer you in 3-2-1 to complete the countdown.

Maybe I should look for a future in becoming an announcer for NASA: "The space shuttle will begin take off in 9-8-7..."

Sketchers

You've probably seen these shoes around - or even own some yourself. The more and more I see these shoes, the more ridiculous I think they look. The website claims that due to their rounded sole, it causes you to roll forward making you shift your weight. You then are able to center yourself by using your core muscles. This results in a firmer legs, butt, back and abs, all without ever stepping in a gym! This sounds.... fantastic! Now if they really worked, and didn't look so hideous, I'm sure I would have already bought my own! So instead of trying these sneakers out myself, I've decided to watch one female co-worker (nicknamed Sketchers, for obvious reasons) that has bought them. Sketchers has recently come back from maternity leave - her second child in under a year....seriously...back to back pregnancies, its like she's been pregnant foreverrrr.

Now I understand how one would want to get their "pre-pregnant" body back. But does one actually think that simply wearing these sneakers will magically make the weight come off? Of course they do! So without fail, everyday Sketch comes rolling in, only to head straight for the elevator. I'm pretty sure there needs to be walking involved for these things to actually work.

But a-ha! That's the trick! Sketch CAN'T walk in these things! According to their site, it seems like this could be a potential problem for a lot of people! They actually advise you to "moderate your walking routine for the first week or two, depending on your level of fitness. As you continue to wear your shape ups, your body will adjust to this new method of walking." LOL what?!? I refuse to believe that its actually difficult to adjust to walking in these moon boots!

I haven't noticed any difference in Sketcher's appearance, nor was I expecting to. The only time I see her is when she's running for the elevator, or swaying side to side to the vending machine for some candy. I don't know what I'll be more impressed with - her actually losing weight, or learning to master walking in those things. Until then, I'll just keep laughing at her :)

Smokers part deux

How could I forget to mention this?!?
One of the GRRRRREAT qualities of one of these smokers is that she loves to tell me what the weather is. More specifically, if it's snowing or not. As you know, it's June. It hasn't snowed in a while. To her credit, she's been telling me whether its snowing or not ever since the first snow fall last year. But honestly, I sit in the lobby with huge windows right in front of me. I don't need to know the weather, I can see it! Every day when she waddles by, I cringe knowing the fact that when she comes back into the office, I'm going to get an update on whether or not its snowing. The first time it happened, it was "funny". It was during a huge blizzard, so I thought she was telling me being all sarcastic.

Nope.

She was actually being serious, and I have absolutely no idea to get her to stop. I've gone from being nice to just plain old mean - I don't smile, laugh, even acknowledge her when she walks by, yet, she still talks to me as if I care. So I guess I need YOUR help...what do I do to get this wheezing, smoking... thing to stop? Thoughts?