The White House

"You could be the president of the United States and that still is not going to get me to transfer you to a person. You get a voice mail, just like everyone else." - She Said What? Blog from September 2010.

Well.... I'm happy to announce that I am true to my words.

Kind of, I mean, it wasn't exactly the President who called.

Today, Mike so-and-so from the WHITE HOUSE called me today and wished to speak to the founder of the company. Now without knowing my company, or who the founder could be, this could seem like a really strange and weird request. However, this lady is an important person. She's barely in the office because she's out doing all these important amazing things. Having the White House call is just the sort of thing I would expect. She was probably being invited to some important dinner with all sorts of famous important people.

That being said, she's obviously not in the office, so I transfered Mike to her assistant. 2 minutes later, Mike calls back. He got a voicemail.

Now if you were me, what would you do? This lady only has one assistant, and I honestly don't know any other executive assistant that would know her schedule seeing that she's so rarely in the office.

So, yup, you know what I did. I told him to leave a message with the assistant because I know she's in, I've seen her and she leaves everyday at 5pm, and it was only 2pm. He was super agreeable, which was shocking, and I sent him on his way. I even watched the call to see if she picked up, and I don't think she did.

So what what! I just sent the White House to a voice mail. You average everyday normal people have no chance getting a real person after reaching a voice mail now. Who wants to mess with me next?!

I CAN SEE YOU!

Hey you, yeah you!
I see you!!
You're talking on the phone in the lobby acting like a cell phone commercial.
Can you hear me now??
Yes, I can, and ya know what? I can see everything you're doing too.

So please, stop. Stop right now.
Stop grabbing your crotch while yelling on your phone. (And yes, I'm sure they can hear you now, especially since you keep raising your voice - that always helps).

I don't care how uncomfortable you are, it's a lot more uncomfortable for me to have to avert my eyes because you need to LINGER in that area making sure everything is there.

vom.

I need to go bleach my eyeballs.
Ew, I said balls.
Ew.

Turn Lights one in the morning

This is an actual email from our office manager. Sent to both myself and Bill, who both arrive to work at 7:30am everyday.

"Hello,
Doug (the CEO) would like ether of you, whoever comes in first, to turn on all the lights in the halls ways, Please make sure this is done every morning from now on.

Thanks"
Jim | Manager, Office Services

Let's discuss:
Uhhh... clearly you didn't read over your title of the email. Turn lights one? Maybe he means to turn them on?
Why is Lights capitalized?
Um, what the heck does ether have to do with this?
What the heck are hallsways?
Why can't the CEO turn the lights on himself?
Why can't Jimmy (as he calls himself) come in at a normal time and do such things?
Why did Jimmy come in at 11:38 today and leave at 4:27? (Yes, that's almost 5 hours. We're proud of him)
How does he make more money than me when he can't write emails?

WHY AM I STILL WORKING HERE???

Why wasn't I warned?!

There's a vendor that comes in a lot. I should know his name, and I think at one point I might have, but every time he walks in, I have no idea what his name is. It's awkward, and usually I would just ask for the name, but he's been coming in randomly for the past 4 years. I really should know it. I think it's Ted. Or maybe Ed. ???

Anyways, T/Ed comes in and here's our interaction:
T/Ed "I'm here for Steve, he should be coming out"
Me: "he's coming out? ok"
So I proceeded to do nothing. Steve was coming out to meet him, right?

WRONG.

- 5 minutes later -

T/Ed: "Ummmmmmmmmm did you call Steve and tell him I was here????? (and said in a very are-you-dumb-why-haven't-you-called-him tone)
Me: "Uhh, I thought you said he was coming out??"
T/ed: "Well only after you call him to let him know I'm here!!!" (also said in a lovely tone).

Um... wouldn't you come into a business and say "Hi, I'm here for Steve, can you let him know I'm here?" I know I was wrong to assume that he spoke with Steve already, but seriously... he made it seem like Steve was coming right out!

So, now I'm attempting to call Steve. There's only one problem. I don't know this guy's name. Do I attempt to say a name like I've done in the past? "asklasdfafjf (said in a really quiet voice) is here to see you" - a favorite of mine when I don't know the person's name, and only backfires every now and then when the employee goes "WHO?!" hah! Or do I just go back to my old faithful and say "there is someone here to see you." Half the time they ask who it is, otherwise they'll just say, OH good! Tell so-and-so I'll be right out.

Luckily for me Steve answered and said he'd be right out so I didn't have to worry about whats his name.

However, my fun morning didn't stop there!

Next up to the plate was the lovely lady Angela. She works for the company, but in a different location so when she arrived this morning, she was with her luggage since she was going to the airport after the meeting. Here's our interaction:
A: "Where should I put my luggage?"
Me: "Oh, you can just put it over in that corner"
A stares at me
A: "Well, we USUALLY put it over HERE" (and brings it to the opposite corner of the room).
Me: "ookk... well over there is fine, too"
A now glaring at me
Me: "Really, wherever you want to put it is fine"
A storms off and goes about her day.

Um.... what just happened?? What did I do wrong?? And why would you ask me a question you clearly know the answer to!

It was then I realize it was just going to be one of those days.

*A little while later I spilled my tea all down the front of me.

*Later, when the lunch order arrived, I spilled someone's Italian dressing all over my desk, resulting in getting it on my purse as well.

*Even after I left work, my streak continued. The gym turned into an epic fail - and I was really looking forward to a good work out. My gym instructor was out, and the sub was awful. I thought I was being smart by realizing who the sub was before class started and decided to just do my own work out. Turns out I left my ipod at home. Fail.

*I didn't lose, or win, the battle with my crock pot. (Which is a whole different story). My dinner was so-so.

So here I am, drinking a glass of champagne to celebrate this day being over. And when I say glass, who are we kidding - I'm drinking the whole bottle. And yes, drinking champagne whenever you want is totally acceptable. Oh, and I'm drinking it out of a plastic cup, I can't risk ending this day in tears because I shattered a champagne flute!

So happy Tuesday everyone, hope yours was better than mine.

"I feel like one of these days, I'm going to get a call from you, and you're going to be in jail, because you finally snapped and strangled someone with your phone cord"
- email from my bestie. haha!

Jeggings

We all know how much I love leggings. I love them so much I've already blogged about them. Fortunately for all of you, I got a lovely encounter with some jeggings today.

And some pink underwear.

Yes, it's Monday. Yes, someone decided not only wear jeans, but jean leggings on top of that! Why is the blog worthy? Well, the lady decided to wear some hot pink undies underneath.

How do I know this? Well, it's obvious. Her pants were so worn out in the ass, that not only could I see the shape of her boy shorts, but the color.

Now I'm assuming getting into leggings is exhausting being that they're tight and all, but wouldn't you feel that they would be really tight around your ass? So tight that maybe they're being pulled across your bum that receptionists and other co-workers can see your hot pink underwear? Shouldn't the jean material being thick enough that you can't see through it?? Is this just more evidence that no one should ever wear leggings?!?

Maybe this girl is just a winner and I'm oblivious to it. Let's just hope that this "fashion trend" dies down soon. I can't handle anymore leggings, or seeing co-workers undies anymore.

Susie

Susie came into the lobby today. Susie was looking for a job.

I don't know about you, but here at our "corporate world", one does not just wonder into an office and ask if they're hiring. One also does not leave a resume AND cover letter with the receptionist "just in case".

Upon explaining to Susie that the only way to find out about open positions is to go on our website and check out the career section, I could tell she was not satisfied with my answer. Ok lady, I'll take your resume and yes, of course, I'll pass this along to HR right away!

Cut to me smirking.

So what did I do with this resume? I immediately look it over. She's been an admin/executive assistant for a while, and has quite an impressive resume. Bilingual, great references and experience and would definitely be an asset to our company. But, we're not hiring anything remotely close to an admin position. We have positions for benefit specialists and IT managers, nothing that really matches what kind of job Susie is looking for.

And what kind of job is she looking for? Well, according to her cover letter, a job that uses her expertise in her related field and her qualificiations listed below match exactly with the requirements listed for available position.

Um... there's no job posted.

I understand having a generic cover letter for all jobs you apply to is easier...but... shouldn't you at least be handing in your resume and cover letter for a specific job if you're going to say that you're qualified for the job's requirements??

I may not know much, but I do know Susie isn't getting a job. How do I know this? Because her resume is here at my place so I could show my friends how crazy people are.

Sorry Susie, better luck next time!

Popcorn

This is the new poster in the break room.

Yes, that is instructions of how to make popcorn.

Yes, it is being held onto that cork board by 8 push pins.

Thanks, office manager! Looks like you worked real hard today.