The Staff Meeting

Today I went to the company staff meeting for the first time in 5 years. And it was just as painful as I remembered.

When I first started a million years ago, my boss had me attend so I could see what they were all about. Ever since then, I've never gone back because I've always had to stay and answer the phones. Now we have two receptionists. And the more I thought about it, why should I stay and work while everyone else gets an hour off? Just because there's a staff meeting doesn't mean the phones stop ringing, and to make matters worse, callers call back complaining about getting a voicemail.

Yes, I know. Everyone is at a company staff meeting. Why aren't I there? Because someone has to answer the phones. Surprisingly, callers didn't understand that, and ya know what? It doesn't make any sense. So yes, I think I will attend this meeting - how bad could it be?

...

It wasn't bad. It was terrible. The VP of HR started off the meeting with having us a do a wave. I almost walked out right then.

The rest of the meeting pretty much showed me that I have absolutely no knowledge of the company that I work for. I mean I know the basics and know the appropriate information in order to transfer calls correctly (and how to deliver pizzas to meetings...) but when the CEO started talking about quarterly percentages about raising certain sectors, with the lovely use of pie charts and excel spreadsheets, I felt like the dumbest person in the room. Talk about feeling insignificant in a huge company.

If that wasn't bad enough, we had two new managers from our stores come in and pretty much give their life stories about how they've been with the company for 7 years, and wooowwww, look at me, I've done soooo much with myself in the past 7 years. Meh. Whateverrrrrrr.

Anywho, once the meeting was over, I enjoyed the free catered lunch - that I didn't have to order, set up, or do anything for - well, kind of. I had to help keep the lines moving and silly things like that, but once that was over, I got to pick through the scraps and get myself some chicken marsala. haha. (Oh, and don't worry. It wasn't the same caterer who gave me food poisoning, although, that could have made for a really interesting blog... haha!

I get back to my desk and hop on email. My 9 meetings for the week had doubled to 18. After having a slight panic attack, I broke it down to list what absolutely had to be done today. I *only* had to order a breakfast and 3 lunches for tomorrow, and make sure drinks were put in the fridge so they'd be cold for the meetings. How did this happen?? Wasn't everyone just in the meeting? Of course, NG decided she needed "a real lunch" and left me answering phones while trying to figure out how I was going to get everything done.

I didn't really, I made her in charge of dealing with the meetings for tomorrow, so I could go back to Kathy's desk and try to get the rest of the week sorted out. Wish me luck. I have no idea if the breakfast for tomorrow will arrive.

Long story short - what is the point of staff meetings?? Pretty much all I got out of it was that I don't know much about the company, and I was stuck running around for the last 2 hours of my shift trying to catch up on work and not to freak out on people.

Good thing the company provided cupcakes for dessert, or I'd really start to complain, haha! ;)

Parking Pass Required

Hello Blovers.

Look at this sign.


Now look at this car.


Now back to the sign.


Now back to the car.


Now look at me.

(haha, I had to throw that in!)

Sadly this car does not have the permit required sticker needed to park here.

Haha, ok, hopefully you picked up on the Old Spice commercial reference. But seriously, how freaking rude is this? We have permit required spots for those who are pregnant, injured, or have some reason that they can't park in the parking garage located 5 miles away from our office. Ok, maybe it's not that far, but it's a hike.

If you get to the office before 8am, you might be able to get a spot out front (like me). Those who sleep in and make an appearance in the office sometime after 10:30, are not so lucky.

Or are they?

What Douche-Bag-McGee doesn't know is that I know who he is. I know that car. I know he enters through the mailroom so he doesn't have to enter through the lobby to my disapproving face.

And who is this lovely employee?

Any guesses???

None other than our favorite office manager, Jim. "Jimmy" (as he likes to call himself) thinks he's entitled to park there because he's the one to give out the permits. Plus, when he finally shows up to the office, the parking lot is totally full, and you are stuck parking on the 6th floor of the garage.

...Unless you're Jim.

I'm half tempted to rat him out to Bossboss, but to be honest, I don't think she's do anything. She's got a gross crush on him, and pretty much thinks he's amazing. Great.

So, now what? key his car? accidentally spit my gum on his windshield? Cover it in trash? Peanut butter under the door handle?? Isn't there something you can do with a banana peel...

Ahahahaha, I kid, I kid...

......maybe ;)

I'm sexy and I know it

One would probably feel lame pushing around a cart full of drinks and food delivering them to meetings. Not me. I feel hot.

Literally. I'm becoming a sweaty mess doing this.

Now that my company has expanded into the building next door, I have to go outside in the snow, the rain, the cold (and eventually the heat) to deliver lunches. I have to bundle up by putting on my jacket and gloves, and lately, slip out of my heels and throw on my snow boots. - You're impressed I switch shoes, I can tell. But there's no way I'm slipping outside, or ruining my shoes, for these people!

So, I get all my gear on and have to push this heavy cart, leave the warm office for the freezing cold, only to enter another warm office. The only major problem I've encountered is that, once inside, I'm still wearing my jacket, pushing the cart through the office.

Thissss is when I start to over heat. Now, I'm a small girl, I'm not a sweaty person by nature, but man, I think I need to start bringing deodorant to work "just in case". And now you're thinking, ok silly, just take the jacket off.

Well, duh.

But I think between the sure embarrassment of pushing the cart, having to interrupt meetings and carrying in food while everyone watches me, I think my body heat just naturally increases to about 1000. I leave the conference rooms and wonder if I'm sweating everywhere.

Normally, I would love this. My family teases me about how I will sit outside in the summer during 100 degree weather and just sweat to death. I love it. My main goal when I'm at the gym is to try to sweat through my shirt. I know, it's gross. But I love it. I think I have some weird twisted idea that if I sweat more, I'm having a better work out. Plus, while working out, it's almost like you can feel all the toxins leaving your body. A lil detox if you will. Sweating = good.

... but that's at the gym.

That's not at work in front of all your co-workers.

So I'm in an awkward position. It's freezing at my desk because with the doors constantly opening and closing I have a constant draft all day. So I'm usually bundled up in a cozy sweater with the space heater on. But the second I start moving around with that damn cart, I think I'm sweating everywhere.

So, suck it up and be the sweaty girl at work? Bring extra deodorant? Be like a celeb and have multiple outfits during the day? Or maybe I should just quit and become a step aerobic instructor and then it's perfectly acceptable to be sweaty all day long! All I know is that I'm in trrrrrouble when I have to push the cart outside in hot weather. But hey, who doesn't like a sweaty receptionist??

The early bird...

... always get the coffee??



I get to work at 7:30am. NG comes in at 9:30am.

Now that Bill has a "real job" and we don't have our daily breakfast, I have "me" time in the morning until NG comes in. This basically means I rush to get my work done before someone arrives and chats my ear off. Or.... I slack off, and read people.com and other great gossip sites.

For the most part, it's a "relaxing" time for me. The phones aren't toooo crazy, I have my tea and breakfast and I'm able to determine how my day will be. I can review how many meetings I have, gauge how cranky my boss is and see how chaotic the phones will be.

That is, until NG decided sleeping over her boyfriend's place was a good idea.

She recently moved out of her parents and into her own apartment with some friends and now lives about 15 minutes away. Her boyfriend, lives about 40 minutes away from work.

She sleeps at his place regularly.

He has to be at work at 8:30am.

Guess what time NG shows up at work now?

Mmhmm.

Now, if this was you and your BF had to be at work earlier than you and you literally had to DRIVE PAST YOUR PLACE to come to work, wouldn't you just STOP at your apartment and stay there since you didn't have to clock in for another hour?

Am I crazy for thinking that?

She comes in around 8:40 (because of course, they can't show up at the same time - people might notice!), doesn't clock in, and if anyone asks why she's at work so early, it's because "her coffee machine is broken"

A what what?!?!

Ever heard of a coffee shop? It's this place that sells coffee and you can even hang out there for as long as you want. Yes, I understand that coffee is free at work, but seriously? that's the best excuse you have??

What makes this worse is that NG and I can not be at the receptionist desk at the same time. Her coming in a whole hour before she's scheduled totally messes everything up.

So, bloves, I'm asking you....
Would you ever go to work an hour earlier than you're supposed to and not get paid for it??

A Retro Surprise

The most amazing thing happened.

The front door opened and in walked in this lady. I was instantly intrigued. She was a classic "suit", decked out in a designer charcoal skirt suit with a standard white blouse underneath. She was blonde, and was rocking some serrriousss bling. She was tall, and with her LEOPARD PRINT heels she had to be almost 6 feet. I feel like she wears the shoes so that people know, yes I'm a serious business woman, but I have a fun side - duh, check out my shoes. Haha, making up stories about people is fun.

She was older, I'd say around 40? maybe? I'm actually the worst at guessing people's ages. Anywho! While I was admiring her swanky designer bag, her phone rings.

Freeze.

Now, what do you think she's going to pull out of that Coach bag? A Blackberry? Iphone? Andriod?

Who cares...what she pulled out was WAY more entertaining. See the picture below.

Ahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha

I've seen these, but I didn't think people actually used them in real life. And not only did she use it, she used it twice. Oh, and it was (of course) hot pink.

I can't decide if this woman is my hero or if I should keep laughing at her. While NG and I kept our giggles to a minimum, I couldn't help but think, that could be me!

Retro phone talking, leopard print wearing, look at me I'm in charge Ruby. Hey, it could happen! First, I just have to figure out how to get the heck out of reception.

And check out this photo - hey, if Lenny-I'm-a-babe-Kravitz can rock this look, maybe that lady was on to something. She's apparently way cool. I can't wait to be her when I grow up.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good: I got a free lunch with one of the catered lunches yesterday.

The Bad: I threw up in the bathroom at work.

The Ugly: It turned out to be food poisoning.

I was all excited to get a free lunch since I didn't have anything at home to bring in. I took a bite out of the chicken stir-fry with rice concoction and instantly wasn't a fan. The chicken was wicked peppery. That's ok, I'll just eat the grilled peppers, zucchinis and avoid the onions. After a couple more bites I decided that I was going to go on a walk since it's still sort of nice out (aka no snow). I came back and felt funny but it was NG's lunch break and then she had an hour meeting with BossBoss. I figured whatever was wrong with me would pass, plus all I had to do was just sit in my chair.

I barely survived the wait for NG.

When she came back she was telling me how her meeting was when I cut her off and told her I'd be right back. Once in the bathroom I begin pacing in the handicap stall. Is this really happening? Am I really going to puke at work? No, you're not. You're fine. Go back to your desk.

I get back to my desk and notice the rest of my lunch is still sitting there. Yeah, time to throw that away. So I walk down to the kitchen and that was when the smell of it hit me. I gagged. I panicked. I threw the lunch in the trash and ran towards the bathroom.

The Good: I made it with enough time.

The Bad: Someone came in a couple minutes after me.

The Ugly: The were stuck listening to me vomit my lunch.

Afterwards, while still in our respective stalls, she asked if I was ok. I think I managed a grunt and I listened for her to leave. There was NO way I was going to show my face after that! haha! The nice lady even went to NG and told her someone was sick in the bathroom and if no one came out in a couple minutes, she might want to go check it out. Imagine NG's face when I, very slowly, exited the bathroom. I told her I was sick, and she told me to leave. (A whole 10mins early). I told her I actually felt a thousand times better. I changed for the gym and went on my way.

(Insert: are you crazy face here. Who pukes and then goes to the gym?!)

I get to the gym parking lot and I roll down my window. It's freezing out now, the sun has gone down and I'm burning up. I start to feel funky again. Sorry gym buddies, there's no way I can jump around right now. I get home, grabbed my bags and start fumbling with my keys. I barely made it to my bathroom. Still wearing my coat, and carrying my bags, I puked my life away.

Repeat this process, minus the coat and bags, 5 more times.

I've never had food poisoning before, but it is quite possibility one of the worst experiences I have ever had. I texted a couple of my friends to let them know that my blog was going to be entertaining. I couldn't write it until today since I would lie there, pass out, wake up, puke, sweat, then be freezing, on a constant repeat until I put myself in bed at 10pm.

I woke up this morning and felt somewhat ok. I thought a shower would be good idea. I get in and immediately feel dizzy. Shower off. This girl is not passing out.

The Good: I ended up not working today (well kind of, I went for 2 hours before my boss told me to leave).

The Bad: My whole body hurts

The Ugly: Me - I really need a shower.