Happy Halloween!

Today I got to sit next to Audrey Hepburn all day long. NG came into work, all decked out: black dress, white gloves, pearls, sunglasses and her hair in an updo. I had to admit, she pulled it off and looked great. What she didn't do was enter herself in the Halloween costume contest work had going on.

Who doesn't enter a costume contest when they're all decked out?!?

Turned out she was embarrassed, and didn't want her picture taken. All entries had to have their picture taken, stand in a line for everyone to "judge" and then an email would be sent out to the entire company with all the winners. Can't blame her for not wanting to partake (I mean really, I didn't even dress up), but I feel like if you're going to do it, just do it, enter yourself. Plus, who knows, you could even win a $5 gift certificate to Starbucks! haha yeahhh, that's the prize. We're cheap like that.

Anyways, there were some fun costumes. "Two-face", Toddler and Tiaras, The Scooby Doo Gang, Revenge of the Nerds, a cowboy, witches, Rachel and Finn from Glee, and....what? stop that. back track. Rachel and Finn? Doesn't matter if you watch Glee or not, the fact of the matter is that a guy and a girl, in different departments, did a "couple" costume.

The best part is that NG and I have been trying to figure out if they've been dating, because "Finn" would always go outside and "Rachel" was always a second behind him. The fact that they acted sneaky about it convinced NG and I that they were being a sneaky inter-office couple.

And here they are, pretty much announcing to the company, "HI! WE'RE A COUPLE!" Or at least, I think they are. So my bloves, what do you think? Think two people in different departments that sneak around, dressing in a Halloween couple costume, are in fact a couple??

Until next blog,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!
Love, your favorite witch ;)

The Scarecrow

There's a man in the office that Bill, NG and I only refer to as "The Scarecrow" The picture above is a fairly accurate picture of what the guy look likes. He's rocks these ratty clothes, has blonde hair, is tall and gangly, and I'm pretty sure he actually has hay inside his jacket.

Scarecrow is also known, to me and everyone else in the office, as one of the biggest vultures in the company. If there's free food, scarecrow isn't far behind. If there's a meeting happening with lunch being delivered, it doesn't matter what department it's for, scarecrow is in that meeting.

We all know that I bring all the lunches to the conference rooms, and on more than one occasion I have been asked by him where the food was going, and if I thought there would be leftovers. I'm almost beginning to think this man solely survives off the food that this company provides.

One time he was sitting in a conference room for a meeting that didn't have food, and I had to walk by with my embarrassing cart to bring another meeting their pizza. Of course, I was waiting in the lobby for the elevator and could see into the other room. He was STARING me down, and I'm pretty sure he wanted to eat me. He had a look of panic when I got into the elevator and he realized the food wasn't for him. I'm really surprised he didn't come dashing out, push me out of the way and devour the food immediately.

Now, scarecrow isn't a big man. He's not someone that I would generally think eats ALL DAY LONG. He's a tiny scrawny man who apparently has the appetite of a horse.

Today, two hilarious encounters with him happen.
Story #1. There were some left over cookies placed in the kitchen. I was down the hall and could see directly into the break room. Scarecrow with his food radar immediately appeared. He lingered, watching the girl put them down, pretended to get water and as soon as she left, he ran over to the cookies. He took one, and left. 3 minutes later, he was back, and grabbed another. 4 minutes later, he got himself a coffee, and 2 more cookies. Seriously dude, just take them all. You're not fooling any of us, we all know its you eating all the desserts.

Story #2. There was a basket of apples left in the lobby from a caramel apple thing my work did the other day, and they were pretty much the ones that no one wanted. All bruised, tiny and probably man handled by half the office. Naturally, NG and I were pawning them off on co-workers and laughing when they actually took a bite into them :)
Scarecrow was leaving for the day, when he saw the basket and his eyes lit up. It was like Christmas for this guy. He asked what they were for and why they were out here. Oh whatever, just take them. He took 2, left the office and went to wait for the bus. I left shortly after. I got a text on my way home from NG telling me that not only did Scarecrow come back into the lobby for apples, he took 2 more.

Seriously, I think this guy has an issue! I know free things are great, and who doesn't like free food, but c'mon! If there's free food left out, I'll only take some if no one is there because I don't want people knowing I do what they do! So needless to say, I never really get food because my office is full of people like scarecrow.

I almost feel like someone should give him money for groceries, or tell him where the closest food kitchen is. Or maybe, just maaaybe, he should stop being such a creepy vulture and bring some of his own food in. I feel like he may attack me next time I walk by with food that isn't for him!

Listen, Bitch

What the hell happened today? Was there a full moon last night? I'm so confused... why was EVERYONE a complete d-bag today??

I got screamed at by some man telling he was looking for Patty. And not just Patty, he was looking for Patty, PATTY, P-A-T-T-Y!!!! PATTY PATTY PATTY! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!

Well, you miserable excuse for a man, it is THAT hard. There's no one named Patty in this office. Without a last name (which he didn't have) there was no way I could look her up in the database. Did he know what position she had? What other location she worked at? Anything? NOPE! This man spoke down to me and slowed down his speech as if I was the one that was having issues. Granted I couldn't understand half of what he was saying because his speech was terrible, but that is no reason for him to get so frustrated and yell at me like I was dirt.

What I don't get is that how do people get off yelling at me and finding it totally acceptable! What happened to being nice?? I mean, i know I'm not a nice person, but I'll at least be respectful, especially when talking to a receptionist!

NG, unfortunately, got the worst caller of the day. Mine was pretty tame in comparison. While I decided I needed 5 minutes to myself (aka go for a walk), poor NG got The Jerk. When I returned she was already on her 3rd call with him, and looked like she was on the verge of tears. Since she was on the headset, I picked up the receiver (because we can still hear thru it, just can't answer the phones by physically picking it up - yeah, I know, it's weird) to listen in. If I could have slapped the man through the phone, I would have.

The man insulted NG's voice, saying "what is wrong with your voice, it's killing me", apparently told whoever he was with that "the switchboard lady can't even do her job, and it's not like it's hard to just listen and do what I say" and then the kicker, "listen bitch".

I immediately reached over to hang up with the guy, when NG stopped me, mouthed off to him and transferred him to where ever he was supposed to go. I just sat there with my jaw literally on the floor.

What the heck just happened??? While I applaud NG for sticking up for herself, there should be no reason that her or I ever should have to deal with that. And to the asshole that called, who do you think you are? Stop being such a d-bag hiding behind the phone and have the vagina to say that to my face. (again, sorry mom!) Now I'm not saying that to be a tough guy, but if you can seriously stand in front of me, scream at me and call me terrible names then props to you. But I dare you to do it because I don't think anyone would ever.

UGH!

NG and I are a team. We braved the rest of the day with smiles on our faces while secretly wanting to hurt everyone. I got her to do some of my duties for Kelly because she wanted to be off the phones for a while. I couldn't blame her, and I certainly wasn't going to pass up someone wanting to do "my" work.

...Looks like my plan to get her to do all my work is slowly coming together. Now if only I could have had that happen without dealing with assholes.

The Review

Last Friday was my review. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. It just was.

Last Friday also was payday. My lovely boss put in for my raise (YAY!), but when I checked my bank statement, I learned that paycheck was only $18 more (BOO). I got a 2% raise, and when you're hourly like me, that literally translates to cents. My raise was 34 cents/hour. And there wasn't even a conversation about it. I know I should be happy to even get a "raise" but really? I do a lot, and I feel that this past year I've taken on so many new responsibilities the least they could do is TALK to me about my raise, and tell me why it's only 2%, before just doing it. For the record, it's 2% because that's what the budget allows and everyone, including my boss, got 2%. That sucks. Where is the motivation to do anything when your raise only depends on what the budget is??

BossBoss took me out to lunch, and we actually had somewhat of a productive meeting. She admitted to being nervous about this review, because apparently "I'm hard to read and didn't know how I was feeling about anything". Clearly, she needs to read my blog.

Anywho, I won't bore you with our conversation, I'll just list some of the lovely highlights BossBoss wrote in her section of my review that we both have to do for HR. Basically, she created goals for me during the year (which is supposed to be done at my last review, but we just skipped that part....), and then you and your manager grade yourself "above, on or below target" for that specific goal and then you both write a little blurb about why you responded they way you did. Check out my boss's responses:

GOAL #1: Assist office manager in search for a visitor mgt system for home office:
BossBoss Response: "Below Target" -
Ruby has not been involved in this project. I have discussed it with her and Jim has invited her to more than one meeting. Ruby has not shown any enthusiasm or ownership to this project.

Um, DUH! I didn't even know about this! And not only that, JIM has not invited me to any meetings. Ew. GOAL #2: Create opportunities for work outside of reception: BossBoss Response: "Below Target" - We have made adjustments in meeting support this year to provide Ruby an opportunity to expand into the role. This was really an opportunity for Ruby to put her stamp on meeting support and define an expanded role outside of reception. I have not witnessed the level of enthusiasm or assertiveness necessary for me to call this a complete success. I would encourage Ruby to continue to work on her communication skills and create a higher degree of ownership. There is no question that Ruby has taken over numerous tasks from Kathy and has provided her with a good deal of support. I am okay with Ruby and Kathy continuing this arrangement, but would not at this point give Ruby total oversight of in house meetings. Um...How the HECK am I below target when she clearly lists that I DO SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB? I guess I need to be more excited about doing Kathy's work, even though there is clearly no position available for me to take over meetings. That's fine. Whatever. But don't expect me to happy while I'm assisting Kathy. Overall evaluation: BossBoss response: Ruby demonstrates above target characteristics as it relates to managing callers on the board. She is dependable and consistent, offering callers high quality care. I have not seen enough growth in Ruby's communication skills, nor enough of an increased sense of ownership, or enthusiasm to give her more responsibility and broaden the scope of her current position. Ruby gives the impression that she is more comfortable with a consistent routine and the same daily schedule. This makes it very difficult to see her in a role that has more responsibilities surrounding front of the house activities. I am comfortable with Ruby continuing in a supportive role in all of these functions. Ruby is an excellent receptionist and makes a positive first impression for new callers to the company. Courteous and professional, she seamlessly gets callers to the right destination. She manages the activities that support the board well, including new employees, lists, and internal resources. I believe that Ruby is most comfortable at the board. I have single handedly got myself stuck as a receptionist and I clearly will NEVER get another position with this company. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Oh wait, I *DID* cry! hahah, are you even surprised??

The Apology

On Friday, my first caller of the day screamed at me. It was an obvious sign of a great day to come. (Friday was also the day of my review, so I knew it was going to be a long long day.)

So what exactly was he screaming about? His girlfriend had his GPS and he needed it and needed me to connect his call to her. Um...ok? Who is your girlfriend? After him screaming some more about how important getting in touch with her was, he stated her name. Interesting, the name doesn't ring a bell. So I type her name into the database and what's that? Oh, no big deal, she's an employee at one of our other locations. So kind sir, let me get you that number since you're calling the wrong place and screaming at the wrong girl. He became outraged that he would have to write down a number, and pretty furious at 411 for connecting him to the wrong place. So being the ever so lovely girl that I am, I transferred him to the location. Only after I gave him some serious 'tude.

Honestly, it's your girlfriend, um.... call her cell phone?? And how do you not know where she works? And seriously, you need a GPS?? How do you not know where you're going? Or, I dunno, look that shit up on yahoo maps.

I'm convinced that this man beats this poor woman. I have never, ever, in the 5 years of being a reception encountered a caller so enraged, especially someone trying to locate someone they know. I've had mean callers. They're usually just upset with the company, or a certain situation. Most of the time they don't even know they person they are trying to reach. So for a boyfriend to go so crazy about trying to get a hold of his girlfriend, I can only assume she stole his GPS because she was running away from him. And this my friends, is how I like to start rumors :)

I jotted down the name of the girl. I kind of wanted to find out who she was, and just in case if I turned on the news later that night and there was a story about some girl attacked by her boyfriend I would be able to call police and tell them her boyfriend is freaking psycho and has serious anger management problems.

NG came in, I relayed the story and we went on our day. Jump forward to Monday afternoon when I went back to Kathy's desk to do her work. NG called me and told me about her latest caller.

In the 5 years that I have been a receptionist I have never once had this happen to me. The psycho boyfriend called back and APOLOGIZED for acting like an ass. NG tried to get him to hold so she have him actually apologize to me, but the man wouldn't let her get a word in. According to her, he sounded so timid and embarrassed, and sounded as if he was reading a script. He introduced himself as the girl's boyfriend and apologized for letting his anger get the best of him. He was under a lot of stress and he never should have spoken to me that way. He could hear the phones ringing and told NG he wouldn't take up anymore of her time, but he was sorry for how he let things get out of hand. He hung up before NG could say a word.

A WHAT WHAT?!?

1. I'm totally convinced girlfriend kicked his ass and made him make that call,
2. I still dislike you and think you beat people and
3. HOW DID I MISS THIS?!?!? I would have done anything to get this call. I can only imagine what I would have said in return.

I've never had anyone apologize to me for yelling at me on the phone. I can't believe of all people, this jerk was the first one to do it! In true Ruby fashion, I'm going to say it doesn't count tho, since I didn't actually receive the call ;)

...And let's just hope that girl dumped that ass.

Who even has reviews??

So many of you are probably wonder how my review went. Well... it didn't. Yup, my manager cancelled it an hour before I left for the day (last Thursday), rescheduling it for Friday. I go in on Friday and yup, I have an email from her stating that she has a family emergency and she's not coming in.

Cool.

So this past Monday she comes in and tells me she's going to "get on my calendar" before the end of the week. Any takers of when she actually sent me a meeting request? Yesterday (Friday) at 3pm. And any guesses as to when my review is? Oh that's right, NEXT Friday.

Seriously? This was supposed to happen weeks ago! I'm fairly certain that she just has not done her section of my review and that's the reason it's taking so long. Can't she just submit the paperwork for my measly 34 cent raise and be done with it? Do we really have to go out for an awkward lunch? Wah!

Anywho, since I totally slacked on blogs this week, here is a recap:

* NG joined our softball team to "make friends". The result - she's now "dating" a guy in accounting. A full blog will be dedicated to this.
* NG also brought in more truffles. I spent 2 hours at the gym yesterday.
* I actually had an interview this week for an Executive Assistant position. Fingers crossed everyone! And for those who are worried that this blog would go away - don't worry. I think being an EA I'd still be surrounded by ridiculous situations.
* I had to order, set up and clean up 15 meetings in 3 days. Why do we waste so much money on food in this place?? Why is everyone trying to make me fat???
* I spilled coffee on me, had to sit in on a conference call that lasted an hour about visitor management and ended up mixing up the delivery date on someone's cupcake order all in one day.

Needless to say I am SO happy it's the weekend, and that it's a gorgeous one at that! I'll be posting next week about NG and her boyfriend (seriously? she's been here a month!), hopefully my review and whatever else comes my way :)

Have a good weekend everyone!

xoxoxo