The Scarecrow

There's a man in the office that Bill, NG and I only refer to as "The Scarecrow" The picture above is a fairly accurate picture of what the guy look likes. He's rocks these ratty clothes, has blonde hair, is tall and gangly, and I'm pretty sure he actually has hay inside his jacket.

Scarecrow is also known, to me and everyone else in the office, as one of the biggest vultures in the company. If there's free food, scarecrow isn't far behind. If there's a meeting happening with lunch being delivered, it doesn't matter what department it's for, scarecrow is in that meeting.

We all know that I bring all the lunches to the conference rooms, and on more than one occasion I have been asked by him where the food was going, and if I thought there would be leftovers. I'm almost beginning to think this man solely survives off the food that this company provides.

One time he was sitting in a conference room for a meeting that didn't have food, and I had to walk by with my embarrassing cart to bring another meeting their pizza. Of course, I was waiting in the lobby for the elevator and could see into the other room. He was STARING me down, and I'm pretty sure he wanted to eat me. He had a look of panic when I got into the elevator and he realized the food wasn't for him. I'm really surprised he didn't come dashing out, push me out of the way and devour the food immediately.

Now, scarecrow isn't a big man. He's not someone that I would generally think eats ALL DAY LONG. He's a tiny scrawny man who apparently has the appetite of a horse.

Today, two hilarious encounters with him happen.
Story #1. There were some left over cookies placed in the kitchen. I was down the hall and could see directly into the break room. Scarecrow with his food radar immediately appeared. He lingered, watching the girl put them down, pretended to get water and as soon as she left, he ran over to the cookies. He took one, and left. 3 minutes later, he was back, and grabbed another. 4 minutes later, he got himself a coffee, and 2 more cookies. Seriously dude, just take them all. You're not fooling any of us, we all know its you eating all the desserts.

Story #2. There was a basket of apples left in the lobby from a caramel apple thing my work did the other day, and they were pretty much the ones that no one wanted. All bruised, tiny and probably man handled by half the office. Naturally, NG and I were pawning them off on co-workers and laughing when they actually took a bite into them :)
Scarecrow was leaving for the day, when he saw the basket and his eyes lit up. It was like Christmas for this guy. He asked what they were for and why they were out here. Oh whatever, just take them. He took 2, left the office and went to wait for the bus. I left shortly after. I got a text on my way home from NG telling me that not only did Scarecrow come back into the lobby for apples, he took 2 more.

Seriously, I think this guy has an issue! I know free things are great, and who doesn't like free food, but c'mon! If there's free food left out, I'll only take some if no one is there because I don't want people knowing I do what they do! So needless to say, I never really get food because my office is full of people like scarecrow.

I almost feel like someone should give him money for groceries, or tell him where the closest food kitchen is. Or maybe, just maaaybe, he should stop being such a creepy vulture and bring some of his own food in. I feel like he may attack me next time I walk by with food that isn't for him!